Do Not Use N95 in Space!

I went to the Moon in my Maidenform bra,
With my N95 but I didn’t get far,
There was no atmosphere as was clear too belated
So I sat on a moon rock and just contemplated.

I went to Mars in my N95,
It was streamlined enough to just keep me alive
So I sat on a rock and looked up at the sky
And I sang a sad song about wondering why.

It’s a long way to space  
With a mask on your face  
And a bra round your throat  
And a cat and a goat,  
Not to add to suspense  
But it doesn’t make sense
You should wear a space suit  
And a horn you can toot.

To Venus I went just to check out the place,
With my bra round my neck and the mask on my face.
The cat gave a mew and the goat gave a bleat
When the masks we were wearing just couldn’t compete. 

We jetted to Saturn to look at the rings,
It was gorgeous of course, but just one of those things.
An N95 will keep covid germs out
But it won’t do for space trips and gadding about. 

An N95 or a K94
Is what we need now to be safe in the store.
So wear them on Earth with your feet on the ground
And space masks for space where you’re floating around.

Note: A friend bought a box of N95 masks, which had the warning “not for use in atmospheres containing less than 95% oxygen” which of course set the rest of us off on making N95 in space jokes, and this collided in my head with Carrie Fisher’s comment about being strangled by bras in space and that old series of ads about places to go in a Maidenform bra, and so… a funny song coming out of the pandemic, how about that? This one’s definitely going in the “whimsy” section on my website!

8th March 2022